The Random Rantings of an Underpaid Secretary
by ZebraBow
Summary: Texts. E-mails. Messages. Letters. Post-it-notes. Clumsy Secretary plus Hot New Boss equals Trouble.
1. Texting Queens

Chapter 1

By ZebraBow

Authors Note: Hmm… I sat around wondering what I should name this story. Well, it is humor which is what I tend to write the most about it seems.

Disclaimer: Generic disclaimer. So let me say this once, I don't own Naruto.

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**Blonde-babe76**: Meet me in the restroom in 2 mins!

**Sakura-hime**: I am in a board meeting pig.

**Blonde-babe76**: Sakura, just try to get out of it!

**Sakura-hime**: What part of board meeting don't you get?

**Blonde-babe76**: Just come. Its super important.

**Blonde-babe76**: Sakura…

**Blonde-babe76**: Earth to Sakura.

**Blonde-babe76**: ARE YOU IGNORING ME?

**Sakura-hime**: Oh shit. I was too busy texting you to pay attention to what Mr. Uchicha was saying.

And he was all like "What you think about this idea Sakura?"

I totally panicked and just smiled and said, "That's the wonderful idea Mr. Uchicha."

He smiled back (in a really creepy evil way) and said, "Thank you for agreeing to do the job Sakura."

Shit. Shit. Shit. I have no clue what I was supposed to do. I am so pissed at you. This may have even cost me my job if I don't do what I am supposed to do which I don't even know what it is thanks to you.

**Blonde-babe76**: Aw... Saku baby, can't you forgive me?

**Blonde-babe76**: Puppy dog pout.

**Sakura-hime**: Now what was so important? Can you just tell me now?

**Blonde-babe76**: No way! This is way too important to tell you over texting.

**Sakura-hime**: Give me two minutes. I will be there. And this better be some fantastic news Ino.

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**My apartment. Chips and Dip. Watching Oprah.**

You won't believe the news that Ino told me. She is getting married. MARRIED! TO SHIKAMARU! I can't breathe! And she asked me to be her maid of honor. Wasn't that sweet of her? But still… I can't believe that she is getting married to Shikamaru. I had to bribe her with my black stiletto shoes to get her to go out with him. Am I cupid or what?

Grr… Still have to do that thing. Or what ever it was. Tomorrow. Hopefully I will still have my job when I write in you next time.

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Authors Note: This is just a preview. If you guys really like it. I will put up longer chapters.


	2. Email Me

Chapter 2

By ZebraBow

Authors Note: Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. This chapter is dedicated to all of my friends who made last night possible_**.**_

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**My apartment. Running late. In a taxi.**

Shit. Shit. Shit. I am so dead. I am running late this morning and do you know whose fault is that my oh so sweet diary? NARUTO'S!

I swear when I see him, I am going to murder him and then make him come back to life so then I can murder him again.

Well, it started this morning. I woke up at 4 in the morning just so I could be ready for whatever today was for. It was one of those nice slow mornings where you could just stop and look at flowers. Everything was just going perfectly fine until Naruto barged in around 7ish with a new flavor of ramon. Ew. And it was pastry flavored ramen.

Double ew. So he had a cup of ramen in his hand and somehow ended up tripping over air and guess where the ramen landed on.

Yes, on me and my new Armani pale grey suit. Damn, I was totally hoping to return that after I wore it. So, I ended up screaming at him until he reminded me that it was already 7:45 and that work started at 8. So here I am, in an insanely short suit skirt that I hadn't worn since my college days. Man, I hope this thing doesn't ride up.

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**From**: S. Uchiha

**To**: Father

**Subject**: My secretary

is late. I thought you told me that you picked someone who was competent. Search for a replacement.

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**From**: I. Uchiha

**To**: Little Brother

**Subject**: Haha

I can't believe that your secretary is late. Muwhawawhahwa. Everyone knows that I have the best secretary to have ever existed.

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**From**: S. Uchiha

**To**: The Weasel

**Subject**: Your secretary

is your wife. You come to work together ergo she is never late.

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**From**: I. Uchiha

**To**: Sasu-kun

**Subject**: Father

probably picked an old lady in her seventies who would probably take care of little Sasu-kun. Aww.. wouldn't you like that little brother.

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**From**: S. Uchiha

**To**: The opposite of a pedophile

**Subject**: Screw you

Read subject ahead.

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**From**: Big brother

**To**: Little brother

**Subject**: Aw.

Don't be so antisocial.

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**From**: F. Uchiha

**To**: S. Uchiha

**Subject**: Sakura Haruno

is a very sweet girl. If I just as much as see her cry because of you, it will be you who will be fired. Do we have an understanding?

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**From**: S. Uchiha

**To**: I. Uchiha

**Subject**: Sakura Haruno

Why does everyone seem to like her?

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**From**: I. Uchiha

**To**: S. Uchiha

**Subject**: She is social.

Unlike you. Why you like her?

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**From**: S. Uchiha

**To**: I. Uchiha

**Subject**: Re: She is social.

Haruno is my new secretary. I still haven't seen her so that makes her about one hour late.

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**From**: Big brother

**To**: Little brother

**Subject**: Congrats!

She was the girl with the pink hair that you just bumped into in the lobby. Yes, the one that yelled at you and told you how much of a jerk you were. Good luck working together. I hope she doesn't die from your lack of socializing skills.

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**From**: S. Uchiha

**To**: I. Uchiha

**Subject**: None.

Hn.

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**From**: I. Uchiha

**To**: S. Uchiha

**Subject**: Re: None

See my point.

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Authors Note: I wrote this when my internet connection wasn't working!


	3. Suprise, Suprise

Chapter 3

By ZebraBow

Authors Note: So, I am back from a long hiatus. Hopefully some of you are still reading this story. I am currently writing a Harry Potter ff. This story will have regular updates from now on!

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**From:** S. Haruno

**To:** I. Yamanaka

**Subject:** Why are guys such jerks?

I am so jealous that you are engaged. Ok, maybe not that much since you did make me maid of honor. (Did I tell you that I love you for doing that? I had a long time bet with Temari about which one of us you would pick to be your maid of honor.)

I am totally getting off topic. So, this morning while I was running totally late – which was Naruto's fault, honestly what does Hanta see in him – I ran into the front lobby in a blur. I was in a rush because I have some mysterious job that Mr. Uchiha assigned to me which by the way I'm still waiting on. I mean, I should have already received an email about what I have to type up.

Back to my original topic: So, I run into this guy. He was smoking hot – like _Adonis_ beautiful. I am all flustered and spluttering when I realize that the jerk is looking up my skirt. I know that my outfit is a little inappropriate for the workplace, but Naruto ruined my original outfit (don't get me started on _that_ topic).

The prick continues to look up my skirt and I was so angry and embarrassed – mainly due to the fact that I was wearing really unattractive white panties, you know like the ones we wore in junior high.

So, I totally yelled at me him and called him some inappropriate names. It felt good telling him off, but it was an empowering moment for women everywhere. Honestly, we live in Konoha. Isn't the male to female ratio like three to one? So, why can't I find an amazing guy like you did? I swear, all the good ones are gay, married, or in your case engaged.

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**From:** I. Yamanaka

**To:** S. Haruno

**Subject:** Re: Why are guys such jerks?

Oh sweetie, you'll find your prince charming. And you would find him faster if you let me hook you with one of my buddies from marketing. There are so many good looking guys in marketing and it's totally true that it's a male dominant field.

And, honestly some guys are pigs. I heard that Itachi Uchiha was looking for you about your new job (isn't he such a hottie)! You get all of the fun assignments while I'm stuck sorting through contracts all day.

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**From:** S. Haruno

**To:** I. Yamanaka

**Subject:** My new job

I am going to be the secretary for the ever so elusive Sasuke Uchiha. I haven't even seen him yet, but Temari said that she knows a girl who knows the girl who cuts his hair and he is apparently quite the Greek God. _Boo-yah!_ So ciao babe, I have to clear out my cubicle and go to my new OFFICE (yes, you read that correctly; I get my own office – please feel free to simper in jealousy just about now) and I am already running late.

P.S. I would never ever in a million years date one of those losers from marketing. It's like they took a lesson on how to piss of all women. Isn't it enough that I get Kiba hitting on me every morning during my coffee run?

P.P.S. Itachi Uchiha is a married man. And you young lady, is a (almost) married woman. Therefore, it would never happen – even if he is a solid 12.3 on the hotness scale. Keioka has him wrapped around her little finger.

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**Under a table. Trying to not have a panic attack.**

My dear, sweet diary. I hope you like being owned by a soon to be unemployed woman who will most probably end up homeless as soon as her (smoking hot) boss is done firing her – because lets face it – who in their right mind would hire me after the _great _Sasuke Uchiha is done totally tearing me a new one. The Sasuke Uchiha that owns a major portion of the corporation where I worked since graduating from college. The Sasuke Uchiha that I called a jerk along with some other lovely names this very morning.

Oh, how I wish I could crawl under a rock and just die. Or maybe manage to find a working time machine and go back to the past and prevent today from ever happening.

So, why am I hiding underneath a table? I walk into my new office all cool and totally indifferent even though I was freaking out on the inside. I placed my box of things on the table inside the room with the plaque outside that said, "Sakura Haruno Senior Secretary". It soon will say "Sakura Haruno Stupid Individual". I just had begun to organize my things when the boss man called me into his office. I walked in looking all official and prepared with an explanation on why I was two hours late. He swiveled his chair around and faced me. I almost had a heart attack.

There sitting in the chair was the guy that I yelled at – you know the one that looked up my skirt. He didn't seem that surprised at seeing me. I tried to pull down my skirt down a little just to make it seem longer than the length it actually was. He raised one of his perfectly manicured eyebrows at me and started to speak, "Ms. Haruno –"

And before he finished, I hightailed it out of there. I knew what was coming next would most probably be: you are fired. And just because I didn't know anyone on this floor, I decided to hide under this table. I'll just wait for him to leave then I'll crawl my way out of this office, leave this building, move to another country and assume a new identity. I could manage starting a new life right?

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**From:** S. Uchiha

**To:** I. Uchiha

**Subject:** Sakura Haruno

Is hiding under her table? What should I do?

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**From:** I. Uchiha

**To:** S. Uchiha

**Subject:** Not my problem

See subject.

P.S. I've added the official employee dress code regulations as an attachment. I'm sure you saw what she was wearing today. Maybe I can convince Keioka to dress like that to work.

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**From:** S. Uchiha

**To:** I. Uchiha

**Subject:** You sick bastard

See subject.

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**From:** S. Uchiha

**To:** F. Uchiha

**Subject:** New Secretary

I need another secretary. I don't think this one can handle working for me.

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**From:** F. Uchiha

**To:** S. Uchiha

**Subject:** Re: New Secretary

Don't forget what I told you before. It still applies. One tear from her and you will be the one looking for the new job.

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Authors Note: Obviously, my writing style has become a little different – it's been four years. Hope you like it. Review!


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